Finding Home Away from Home: Day 29 of 100

I pray and wish upon the stars, the moon and even far beyond. I dream of the wildest and highest, those dreams they call impossible; I make them possible. I believe there is no such thing as limits especially when guided by spirit.

I believe light is near. I prepare to rise tall, shine all, be all for the glory is mine.

I confess, my love affairs with darkness become often. She teaches all that light cannot. Her wisdom seduces me to her bed, captivating me under the silk sheets and with her warm embrace she leaves her lingering smell of temptation... coming back for more. She is my high, my empowering addiction, the sacred passion without redemption.


The dreamer is often ridiculed for stepping in the unknown and ridiculed even harder for mingling with those dark spaces. But, is it not those dark spaces which make light brighter, contrasts stronger?

Dreamers walk the dark alleys because we believe in the light of angels. 
Dreamers walk the dark alleys because we are angels
I believe in the light of angels.
I am an angel.

I've been strolling these dark alleys for a minute now. The gypsy life, though lonely, is always a blessing in disguise. Unknown angels always standing, walking and laying before me showering gifts of light and protection upon my journey.

Lately, I have felt like Indianapolis has taken away every sense of family I own, or thought I owned, whether that be myself allowing or self imposed. I get wildly mad and bitter and the I cry myself to bed. I get so fucking lonely. Unvarnished truth to be told.

I've always had the childish dream that I would magically make appear a cozy home with a mom or dad I could run back to in case I was to fuck up in life at its worst. I wanted to be one of those cool kids to say, I'm going to "crash" at dad's? The extra cushion, just in case.

Dreams come true.

I am still in Indy, surviving but provided. I have a sweet lady that for reasons I do not understand, takes joy in caring for me. She made my room more than cozy and gives me allowances. She calls me out for not making myself at home or gardening bare footed on a chilly evening. She makes warm family dinner on Sunday evenings even if its just her and I, and she sits with me to enjoy the sunset as my tired and angry covered heart soothes and calms, because she knows... she just knows.

It is a new feeling I am learning to embrace. It is a new feeling I am learning not to reject. Solid stones are being set under my flighty feet, connecting me to a home I never new existed. I feel free. I feel like I can finally jump off the cliff and even if I was to fuck up at my very best, mom's couch is there to catch me.

I am tired of sadness and excuses. I'm tired of putting my dreams on the back burner for the fear of being ridiculed, for the fear of failing. Dreaming, dangerously risking all for the mystery of the unknown is what I do best. It is my existence.

My raw expressions and features keep me unique therefore anoint me as the High Priestess of my temple, and through the vessels of my experience I spread the light received from angels along the way.

Dreamer, understand that our minds are far from the standards of society. Let that sink in and let that be. We got to leave it all behind the excuses, the hesitations, the fear. The angels of light will provide, believe me, they will provide. Whether you need a home or a warm touch, they will provide.

And there goes a scripture which promises...

"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life." -  Matthew 19:29

I am a witness of these words to be true. I have left all for what I know to be my personal Truth, ,my dream, and no matter how much I "fuck up" in life, God, source of love always sweeps me off my feet, blesses me and brings the best people to care and nurture my heart and soul. For this I am thankful.

Believe in the wholeness of who you are.
Your light.
Your darkness.
Your beauty.

In light and darkness always,
Queen Goddess