The last five years of my life have been by far the most challenging. For many of us, I am sure.
It almost felt like the universe played the most wicked, humorous and sarcastically sick April Fool's joke (which, evidently, lasted more than one day).
Staring: New and more modernized version of Dr. Evil.
Scene 1: New and more modernized version of Dr. Evil thinks it would be funny if, instead of one Mini Me, he have 7 billion Mini Me's!
Scene 2: 7 billion Mini Me's are running around the world, or better said, running the souls of planet Earth like wild maniacs!
Scene 3: ".... to die or not to die. That is the question?"
::: Woa! A little dramatic there darling. :::
::: Oh. Ahem. Well, just saying. That shit was rough.:::
On a more tender and serious note....
Today I look back on my life like the grand master who looks upon his fine and well put orchestra. The rich and harmonious symphonies of sincerity, passion and love they reciprocate as a result of his committed and genuine effort to direct, nurture and protect.
I look at the great work I've put forth the last couple of years especially this last one, and the beauty I see today. I am taking time to relive the shoes I once walked to better understand the feelings and thoughts I walk today. Shifting realities, I would call it. (You see, this is when Mercury Retrogrades are a blessing in disguise.)
I look at that poor and innocent girl, so mad at the world. I hated everything and everyone... but especially myself. I survived many battles, but many times for the wrong reasons.
I did not really care about changing and improving myself as a person. I did not care about the healing work needed to be done within. What I most wanted was revenge. I wanted to hurt everyone and every"body" who had also hurt me by failing my high expectations and demands so together we could fall hard and deep into the blackest pit of horse shit and then die happily ever after.
Not the way to go. Not the way to be. And, definitely not the person I came forth to be.
The survival conquests where superficial. I never won anything but more pain and suffering. So finally at the beginning of this year I allowed myself to break down, like really breakdown, to tears, screams and ongoing grief for all the suffering I had endured. I then apologized to my heart and soul for crossing their boundaries and never taking the time to sit with and honor my fatigue heart, embrace my broken pieces and finally retreat to love.
The work has been done and much more is in progress. I have taken the time to nurture myself as the spirit of life guides my steps protecting my every move, and in return, though at times hard to hear, the symphonies of life and beauty proceed to comfort and ease my recovering and healing heart.
Today I know, the greatest gift one can contribute to the world is to love, heal and empower yourself before anyone. It is until then when we are ready to become legendary heroes, warriors and masters of life.
Before anyone else be selfless and put yourself first.
In selfless love,
Queen Goddess
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